A Dirty Job Chapter 16

16THE CALL OF BOOTY II REQUIEM FOR A FUCK PUPPET radio beam threw the door open so hard that the little bell went flying off its holder and tinkled across the floor.Oh, jeez, light beam said. You wont believe it. I cant believe it myself.Lily locutioned at Ray over her half-frame reading glasses and set down the French cookbook shed been looking at. She didnt re on the wholey need reading glasses, notwith stand up looking over the top of them conveyed instant condescension and disdain, a look that she matte up flattered her.I ready something I need to tell you, too, Lily said.No, Ray said, looking around to suck sure t bump offher were no customers in the store. What I have to tell you is re eachy important.Okay, Lily said. Mines not that important to me. You go first.Okay. Ray took a deep touch and launched. I think Charlie may be a in series(p) go througher with ninja powers.Wow, that is good, Lily said. Okay, my turn. A Miss Me-So-Horny c entirelyed for you. She wanted y ou to k right off that shes packing eight inches of luscious man-meat. Lily held up Rays cell phone, which hed left wing under the register.Oh my God, not again Ray cradled his head in his hands and fell against the counter.She said she was eager to cont closedown it with you. Lily examined her nails. So, Ashers a ninja, huh?Ray looked up. Yes, and hes stalking a fuck puppet from my gym.Think youre living a rich sufficiency fantasy life, Ray?Shut up, Lily, this is a disaster. My job and my flat depend on Charlie, not to mention that he has a kid, and the new light of my life is a guy.No, shes not. Lily wondered ab bulge herself, giving in so ahead of time she didnt enjoy torturing Ray the way she used to.Huh? What?Im well(p) fuckin with you, Ray. She didnt call. I read all of your e-mail and IMs.That stuff is private.Which is why you have it all here on the stores computer?I spend a lot of time here, with the time differenceAnd speaking of privacy, whats the deal with Asher be ing a ninja and a serial killer? I mean, both? At the same time?Ray moved in close, and talked into his collar, as if revealing a capacious conspiracy. Ive been watching him. Charlies been victorious in a lot of stuff from dead(p) deal. Its gone on for years. But hes always having to take off on a moments notice, having me cover his shifts, and he n of all time explains where hes going, except soon after that happens, one of the dead peoples things shows up in the shop. So today I followed him, and he was after a adult female who goes to my gym, who we talent have breakn the other day.Lily stepped back, crossed her arms, and looked disgusted with Ray, which was fairly easy, since shed had years of practice. Ray, did it occur to you that Asher handles estates, and that weve been doing to a greater extent better business since he started doing more estates that the quality of the mathematical product is much higher? Probably because he gets there early?I know, entirely tha ts not it. Youre not around as much now, Lily. I was a cop, I notice these things. For one thing, did you know that there was a homicide detective keeping track of Charlie? Thats right. Gave me his card, told me to call if anything unusual happened.No, Ray, you didnt.Charlie disappeared, Lily. I was watching him, and he just blinked out of exis xce, right onwards my eyes. And last I saw him he was going into the fuck puppets building.Lily wanted to grab the stapler off the counter and cursorily drive about a hundred staples into Rays shiny forehead. You ungrateful fucktard You called the cops on Asher? The guy who has given you a job and a place to spicy for what, ten years?I didnt call the black-and-whites, just this Inspector Rivera. I know him from when I was on the force. Hell keep it on the down low.Go get your checkbook and your car, Lily barked. Were going to bail him out.He probably hasnt charge been processed yet, Ray said.Ray, you pathetic toss-beast. Go. Ill close up t he store and wait for you out front.Lily, you cant talk to me that way. I dont have to put up with it.Because he couldnt turn his head, Ray wasnt able to avoid the first two staples Lily put in his forehead, but by therefore he had decided it was best to go get his checkbook and his car, and backed away.Whats a fuck puppet, anyway? Lily shouted after him, somewhat strike at the violent intensity of her loyalty to Charlie.The policewoman fingerprinted Charlie nine times before she looked up at Inspector Alphonse Rivera and said, This motherfucker got no fingerprints.Rivera took Charlies hand and turned it care up, and looked at his fingers. I can canvas the ridges, right there. Hes got completely normal fingerprints.Well, you do it, so, said the woman. Cause alls I got on the card is smooth.Fine, hence, Rivera said. Come with me.He led Charlie over to a wall that had a big ruler painted on it and told him to face a camera.Hows my hair? Charlie said.Dont smile.Charlie frowned. Dont draw off a face. precisely look straight ahead and your hair is fine, though now youve got ink on your forehead. This is not that hard, Mr. Asher, criminals do this all the time.Im not a criminal, Charlie said.You broke into a security building and harassed a young woman, that makes you a criminal.I didnt break into anything and I didnt harass anyone.Well see. Ms. McKerny said you threatened her life. Shes definitely going to put right charges, and if you shoot me, youre both lucky I showed up when I did.Charlie wondered about that. The fuck puppet had started screaming and backed into her flatbed, and he had followed her, trying to explain, trying to work out out how this was going to work, and at the same time paying way too much attention to her breasts.I didnt threaten her.You said she was going to die. Today.Well, they had him there. Charlie had, in all the confusion and screaming, mentioned that he had to get hold of her breasts because she was going to die today. In retrospect, he snarl he probably should have kept that learning to himself.Rivera led him upstairs and into a small room with a carry over and two chairs. Just like on TV, Charlie looked for a one-way mirror but was disappointed to see further concrete-block walls painted in easy- sponge moss-green enamel. Rivera had him sit, but then went to the door.Im going to leave you here for a few minutes, until Miss McKerny comes down to tear charges. Its more hospitable here than the holding cell. You want something to drink?Charlie move his head. Should I call an attorney?Its up to you, Mr. Asher. Thats certainly your right, but I cant project you one way or another(prenominal). Ill be back in five. You can make your call then if youd like.Rivera left the room and Charlie saw the inspectors partner, a gruff, bald-headed bull of a guy named Cavuto, standing out brass the door postponement for him. That guy actually scared Charlie. Not as much as the outlook of having to retriev e Madison McKernys breast implants, or what would happen if he didnt, but still scary.Cut him loose, Cavuto said.What, cut him loose? I just got him processed, the McKerny woman Is dead. sheik shot her, then, when our guys responded to the shots-fired call, did himself.What?Boyfriend was married, McKerny wanted more security and was going to tell the wife. He flipped out.You know all that already?Her neighbor told the uniforms as soon as they arrived. Come on, its our case. We need to roll. Cut this guy loose. Ray Macy and some Goth-chef chick are waiting for him downstairs.Ray Macy is the one who called me, he thought Asher was going to kill her.I know. Right crime, wrong guy. Lets go.We still have him on the concealed-weapon charge.A reprimand with a sword in it? What, you want to go before a judge and tell him that you arrested this guy on suspicion of being a serial killer but he plea-bargained it down to being a great fucking nerd?Okay, Ill cut him loose, but Im telling you , cut, this guy told McKerny that she was going to die today. Theres some weird shit going on here.And we dont have enough weird shit to deal with already?Good point, Rivera said.Madison McKerny looked beautiful in her beige silk dress, her hair and makeup perfect, as usual, her diamond-stud earrings and a platinum-diamond solitaire necklace complemented the eloquent handles of her walnut-burl casket. For someone who wasnt breathing, she was breathtaking, especially for Charlie, who was the only one who could see her hooters pulsing red in the casket.Charlie hadnt been to a lot of funerals, but Madison McKernys seemed nice, and fairly well go to for someone who had been only twenty-six. It turned out that Madison had grown up in Mill Valley, just outside San Francisco, so a lot of people had cognise her. Evidently, except for her family, most of them had lost touch and seemed somewhat surprised that she had been gunned down by her married boyfriend who had kept her in an expensi ve apartment in the city.Not like you vote most in all probability for that in the yearbook, Charlie said, trying to make conversation with one of her classmates, a guy hed ended up standing next to at the urinals in the mens room.How did you know Madison? said the guy, a condesc completion tone in his voice. He looked like hed been voted most likely to piss everyone off by being rich and having nice hair.Oh, me? Friend of the groom, Charlie said. He zipped up and headed to the sink before hair guy could think of something to say.Charlie was surprised to see a few people at the funeral whom he knew, and each time he walked away from one, hed run into another.First Inspector Rivera, who lied. Had to come. Its our case. Ive gotten to know the family a little.Then Ray, who lied. She went to my gym. I just thought I should pay my respects.Then Riveras partner, Cavuto, who didnt lie. I still think youre kinky, and that goes for your ex-cop friend, too.And Lily, who was also honest. I wa nted to see a dead fuck puppet.Whos running the store? Charlie asked.Closed. Death in the family. You know Ray called the cops on you, right?They hadnt had a chance to talk since Charlie had been released. I shouldve figured, Charlie said.He said he saw you go into the dead chicks building and just disappear. He thinks you have ninja powers. That part of the thing? She bounced her eyebrows a Groucho Marx conspiracy bounce make less effective by the fact that her eyebrows were pencil thin and drawn on in magenta.Yeah, its kind of part of the thing. Ray doesnt suspect about the thing, does he?No, I covered for you. But he still thinks you might be a serial killer.I thought he might be a serial killer.Lily shuddered. God, you guys need to get laid.True, but right now Im here to do a thing regarding the thing.You still havent gotten her thing thing?I cant even figure out how to get it. Her thing is still in the thing. He nodded to the casket.Youre fucked, Lily said.We have to go sit n ow, Charlie said. He led her into the chapel, where the service was beginning.Behind him Nick Cavuto, who had been standing three feet away with his back to Charlie, made a beeline for his partner and said, Can we just shoot Asher and play cause later? Im sure the fuckers through with(p) something to deserve it.Charlie didnt know what he was going to do, how he was going to retrieve the soul implants, but he really thought something would occur to him. Some wizardly ability would manifest itself at the last minute. He thought that all through the ceremony. He thought that when they closed the casket, during the funeral procession to the cemetery, and all through the graveside ceremony. He began to lose hope as the mourners dispersed and the casket was lowered, and by the time the ground crew started throwing dirt down the hole with a backhoe, hed pretty much given up on having an idea.There was grave robbing, but that really wasnt an idea, was it? And even with his years of exper ience in the death-dealing business, Charlie didnt think he was up for breach into a cemetery, spending all night digging up a casket, then cutting the implants out of a dead womans body. It wasnt the same as swiping a vase off the mantel. Why couldnt Madison McKernys soul be in a vase on the mantel?Didnt get the thing, then, said a voice beside him.Charlie turned to see Inspector Rivera standing not a foot away. He hadnt even seen him since theyd left the funeral home.What thing?Yeah, what thing? Rivera said. They didnt bury her with those diamonds you saw, you know that, right?That would have been a shame, Charlie said.Sisters got them, Rivera said. You know, Charlie, most people dont stay to watch them actually cover the box.Really? Charlie said. I was just curious. See if they used shovels or what. How about you?Me? Im watching you. You ever get over that thing with the storm sewers?Oh, that? I just needed a little adjustment in my medication. It was an expression that Charlie had picked up from Jane. She wasnt actually on medication, but the excuse seemed to work for her.Well, you keep an eye on that, Charlie. And Ill keep an eye on you. Adios. Rivera walked off.Adios, Inspector, Charlie said. Hey, by the way, nice suit.Thanks, I bought it from your store, Rivera said without turning around.When was he in my store? Charlie thought.For the next couple of weeks Charlie felt as if someone had dialed his nervous system up past the recommended voltage and he was nearly vibrating with anxiety. He thought that perhaps he should call Minty Fresh, warn him of his failure to retrieve Madison McKerneys soul vessel, but if the sewer harpies werent rising because of that, maybe the contact with another Death Merchant would put them over the top. Instead he kept Sophie home and made sure that she was never out of sight of the hellhounds. In fact, he kept the hellhounds locked in her room most of the time otherwise they kept dragging him to his day planner, which had n o new names. Only the overdue Madison McKerny and the two women Esther Johnson and Irena Posokovanovich who had appeared on the same day, but still had some time left before expiration or whatever you called it.So he started his walks again, sense of hearing as he passed storm drains and manhole covers, but the darkness didnt appear to be rising.Charlie felt naked walking the street without his sword-cane, which Rivera had kept, so he set out to replace it, and in the process found two more Death Merchants in the city. He found the first at a used-book store in the relegation, Book em Danno. Well, it wasnt really a bookstore anymore it still had a couple of tall cases of books, but the rest of the store was a bricolage of bric-a-brac, from plumbing fittings to football helmets. Charlie understood completely how it happened. You started with a bookstore, then you made a single innocent trade, a set of bookends for a first edition maybe, then another, you picked up a grab-all bo x at a yard sale to get one item pretty soon you had a whole section of rum crutches and obsolete radio tubes, and couldnt for the life of you remember how youd acquired a bear trap, yet there it was, next to the lime-green tutu and the Armadrillo penis pump secondhand out of hand. In the back of the store, by the counter, stood a bookcase in which every volume was pulsing with a dull red light.Charlie tripped over a spittoon and caught himself on an elk-antler coatrack.You okey? asked the proprietor, looking up from the book he was reading. He was maybe sixty, skin spotted from too much sun, but he hadnt seen any in a while and hed gone pasty. He had long, thinning gray hair and wore oversized bifocals that gave him the look of an educated capsize.No, Im fine, Charlie said, ripping his gaze off the soul-vessel books.I know its a little cluttered in here, the turtle guy said. Ive been meaning to clear it out, but then, Ive been meaning to clear it out for thirty years and I have nt managed it yet.Its okay, I like your store, Charlie said. Great selection.The owner looked at Charlies expensive suit and shoes and squinted. It was clear he recognized the worth of the clothes and was qualifying Charlie as a rich collector or antiques tender. You looking for anything special? he asked.Sword-cane, Charlie said. Doesnt have to be antique. He wanted to buy this guy a coffee and share stories of snatching soul objects, of confronting the Underworlders, of being a Death Merchant. This guy was a kindred spirit, and from the size of his collection of soul objects, all of them books, hed been doing this longer than Minty Fresh.Turtle guy shook his head. Havent seen one for years. If you want to give me a card, Ill put out feelers for you.Thanks, Charlie said. Ill keep looking. Thats part of the fun. He started backing down the aisle, but he couldnt leave without motto something else, acquire some kind of information. Hey, how is it, doing business in this neighborhoo d?Better now than it used to be, said the guy. The gangs have settled down some, this part of the Mission has turned into the edgy, artsy-fartsy neighborhood. Thats been good for business. You from the City?Born and raised, Charlie said. Just havent been to this neighborhood much. You havent had any weird stuff on the street last couple of weeks, then?The turtle guy looked fully at Charlie now, even took off his giant glasses. Except for the thumper sound systems going by, quiet as a mouse. Whats your name?Charlie. Charlie Asher. I live over in the North Beach Chinatown area.Im Anton, Charlie. Anton Dubois. Nice meeting you.Okay, Charlie said. I have to go now.Charlie. Theres a pawnshop off Fillmore Street. Fulton and Fillmore, I think. The owner carries a lot of edged weapons. She might have your cane.Thanks, Charlie said. You watch yourself, Anton. Okay?Always do, said Anton Dubois, and he looked back to his book.Charlie left the store feeling even more anxious, but not quite as alone as he had five minutes before. The next day, he found a new sword-cane at the pawnshop in the Fillmore, and he also found a case of cutlery and kitchen utensils that pulsated with red light. The owner was younger than Anton Dubois, late thirties maybe, and wore a.38 revolver in a shoulder holster, which shocked Charlie less than the fact that she was a woman. Hed envisioned all the Death Merchants as being men, but of course there was no reason to think that. She wore jeans and a plain chambray shirt, but was dripping with mismatched jewelry that Charlie guessed was a self-indulgence she justified for being in the business the same way he justified his expensive suits. She was pretty in a lady-cop sort of way, with a nice smile, and Charlie found himself inquire if he should maybe ask her out, then heard an audible pop in his head as that bubble of self-destructive stupidity exploded. Sure, dinner and a movie, and release the Forces of Darkness on the world. Great first date. Everyone was right, he really needed to get laid.He bought the sword-cane for cash, without quibbling, and left the store without engaging the owner in conversation, but he took a business card from the holder on the counter as he left. Her name was Carrie Lang. It was all he could do to not warn her, tell her to be careful of what might be coming from below, but he realized that every second he was there, he was probably increasing the danger to all of them.Watch yourself, Carrie, he whispered to himself as he walked away.That evening he decided to take action to ease some of the tension in his life. Or at least it was decided for him when Jane and her girlfriend Cassandra showed up at the apartment and offered to watch Sophie.Go, find a woman, Jane said. I got the kid.It doesnt work that way, Charlie said. I was gone all day, I havent spent any quality time with my daughter.Jane and Cassandra an athletic, attractive redhead in her midthirties, who Charlie promised himself he wou ld have asked out if she hadnt been living with his sister pushed him out the door, slammed it in his face, and locked it.Dont come home until youve gotten some, Jane shouted over the transom.Does that work for you? Charlie shouted back. Just go find someone to do you, like a scavenger hunt?Heres five hundred dollars. Five hundred dollars works for anyone. A wad of bills came flying over the transom, followed by his cane, a sport coat, and his wallet.This is my money, isnt it? Charlie shouted.Its you that needs to get laid, Jane shouted back. Go. Dont come back until youve done the dance of the beast with two backs.I could just lie.No, you cant, Cassie said. She had a sweet voice, like youd want her to tell you a bedtime story. The desperation will still show in your eyes. And I mean that in a nice way, Charlie.Sure, how else could I take it?Bye, Daddy, Sophie said from the other side of the door. Have fun.JaneRelax, she just came in. Go.So Charlie, thrown out of his own home, by h is own sister, said good-bye to the daughter he adored and went out to find a total stranger with whom to be intimate.Just a corrade, Charlie said.Okay, said the girl as she arranged oils and lotions on a shelf. She was Asian, but Charlie couldnt tell from where in Asia, maybe Thailand. She was petite and had black hair that hung down past her waist. She wore a red silk kimono with a chrysanthemum design. She never looked him in the eye.Really, Im just tense. I dont want anything but a completely ethical and hygienic massage, just like it says on the sign. Charlie stood at the end of a narrow cubicle, fully dressed, with a massage table on one side of him and the masseuse and her shelf of oils on the other.Okay, said the girl.Charlie just looked at her, unsure of what to do next.Clothes off, said the girl. She placed a clean white towel on the massage table near Charlie, nodded to it, then turned her back. Okay?Okay, Charlie said, feeling now that he was here, he needed to go throu gh with it. Hed paid the woman at the door fifty dollars for the massage, after which she made him sign a release that stated that all he was getting was a massage, that tipping was encouraged, but did not imply any services beyond a massage, and that if he thought that he was getting anything but a massage he was going to be one disappointed White Devil. She made him initial each of the six languages it was printed in, then she winked, a long slow wink, exaggerated by very long false eyelashes, and performed the internationally accepted blow-job mime, with round mouth and rhythmic tongue pushing out the cheek. Lotus superlative make you bery relax, Mr. Macy.Charlie had signed Rays name, not so much as a small revenge for calling the cops on him, but because he thought the management might recognize Rays name and give him a discount.He kept his boxers on and climbed on the table, but Lotus Flower slipped them off him as deftly as a magician pulling a scarf from his sleeve. She dr aped a towel over his bottom and dropped her kimono. Charlie saw it fall and glanced back to see a tiny, seminaked woman rubbing oil on her palms to hard it. He looked away and slammed his forehead into the table several times even as he felt his erection struggling for freedom beneath him.My sister made me come here, he said. I didnt want to come.Okay, she said.She rubbed the oil into his shoulders. It smelled of almonds and sandalwood. There must have been menthol or lavender or something in it, because he felt it tingle on his skin. Every place she touched hurt. Like hed dug a pat to Ecuador the day before, or pulled a barge across the Bay with a rope. It was like she had special sensory powers, she could find the exact spot where he carried his pain, then touch it, release it. He moaned, just a little.Bery tense, she said, working her fingers up his spine.I havent slept well in two weeks, he said.That nice. She reached across to work his abuse cage and he felt her small breas ts press against his back. He stopped breathing for a second and she giggled.Bery tense, she said.I had this thing happen at work. Well, not at work, but Im afraid I did something that could put everyone I know in danger, and I cant make myself do what needs to be done to reinstate it. People could die.That nice, said Lotus Flower, kneading his biceps.You dont speak English, do you?Oh. Little. No worries. You want joyous ending?Charlie smiled. Can you just keep rubbing?No happy ending? Okay. Twenty dollar, fifteen minute.So Charlie paid her, and talked to her, and she rubbed his back, and he paid her again, and he told her all the things that he couldnt share with other people all the worries, all the fears, all the regrets. He told her of how he missed Rachel, yet how sometimes he would forget what she looked like and would run to the dresser in the middle of the night to look at her photo. He paid her for two hours in advance and dozed off, feeling her hands on his skin, and he dreamed of Rachel and sex, and when he woke up Lotus Flower was massaging his temples and tears were running into his ears. He told her it was the menthol in the oil, but it was the lonely coming up in him, like the pain in his back that he hadnt known hed had until it was touched.She massaged his chest, reaching over his head and letting her breasts rub against his face as she worked, and when he rose again under the towel, she asked, You want happy ending now?Nah, he said. Happy endings are so Hollywood. Then he caught her wrists, sat up, kissed the back of her hands, and thanked her. He tipped her a hundred dollars. She smiled, put on her kimono, and left the cubicle.Charlie dressed and left the Happy Relax Good Time Oriental Massage Parlor, which he had walked by a thousand times during his life, always wondering what was behind the red door with brown paper taped over the window. Now he knew the pathetic puddle of lonely frustration that was Charlie Asher, for whom there would be no happy ending.He made his way up to Broadway and headed up the hill into North Beach. He was only a few blocks from home when he sensed someone behind him. He turned, but all he saw was a guy a couple of blocks back buying a newspaper from a machine. He walked another half block and could see the activity on the street up ahead tourists out walking, waiting for tables in Italian restaurants, barkers trying to lure tourists into strip clubs, sailors barhopping, hipsters smoking outside of City Lights bookstore, looking cool and literary before the next poetry slam, which would go off in a bar across the street.Hey, soldier, a voice at his side. A womans voice, soft and sexy. Charlie turned and looked down the alley he was passing. He could see a woman in the shadows, leaning against the wall. She was wearing an iridescent body stocking or something and a mercury light at the other end of the alley was drawing a silver outline of her figure. The hair rose on his neck, but he felt something twinge in his loins as well. This was his neighborhood, and the hookers had been calling to him since he was twelve, but this was the first time hed ever stopped and paid more attention than a wave and a smile.Hey, Charlie said. He felt dizzy drunk or stoned maybe all the toxins had broken loose from the long massage, but he had to lean on his cane to fuddled himself.She stepped away from the wall and the light silhouetted her, highlighting outlandish curves. Charlie realized he was grinding his teeth and his right kneecap began to bounce. This was not the street-worn body of a freak a dancer maybe, a goddess.Sometimes, she said, hissing the last s, a rough fuck down a dark alley is the best medicine for a weary warrior.Charlie looked around the party a block ahead, the guy reading his newspaper under the streetlamp two blocks back. No one down the alley waiting to ambush him.How much? he asked. He couldnt even remember what sex felt like, but all he could think about right now was release a rough fuck down a dark alley with thisthis goddess. He couldnt see her face, just the line of a cheekbone, but that was exquisite.The joyfulness of your company, she said.Why me? Charlie said, he couldnt help himself it was his Beta nature.Come find out, she said. She cupped her breasts, fell back against the wall, and propped one heel up on the bricks. Come.He walked into the alley and leaned the cane on the wall, then took her uplifted knee in one hand, a breast in the other, and pulled her against him for a kiss. She felt like she was wearing velvet, her mouth was warm and tasted base, gamy, like venison or liver. He didnt even feel her undo his jeans, just a strong hand on his erection.Ah, strong meat, she hissed.Thanks, Ive been going to the gym.She bit his neck, hard, and he squeezed her breast and thrust against her hand. She threw her uplifted leg around his back and pulled him hard against her. He felt something sharp, painful digging into his sc rotum and he tried to pull away. She pulled him tighter with her leg. She was fabulously strong.New Meat, she said. Dont fight me or Ill tear them off.Charlie felt the claw on his balls and the breath caught in his throat. Her face was an inch from his now, and he looked for her eyes, but could see only an obsidian blackness reflecting the highlights from the streetlight.She held her free hand in front of his face and he watched as claws began to grow out of her fingertips, reflecting the streetlight like brushed chrome, until they were three inches long. She poise them over his eyes and he reached for his sword-cane against the wall. She knocked it away, and the claws were at his face again.Oh no, Meat. Not this time. She hooked a claw into his nostril. Shall I drive it into your brain? That would be busyest, but I dont want quick. Ive waited so long for this.She released the pressure on his balls, and to his horror, he realized that he was still hard. She started rubbing his er ection, pushing the claw deeper into his nose to hold him steady. I know, I know when you come, Ill put it in your ear and yank. Ive taken off a half a mans head that way. Youll like it. Youre lucky, if Nemain had been sent youd be dead already.Bitch, Charlie managed to say.She was stroking him harder and he was cursing his body for betraying him this way. He tried to pull away and her leg wrapped behind him crushed the breath out of him. No, you come, then Ill kill you.She pulled the claw from his nose and put it next to his ear. Dont make me leave unsatisfied, Meat, she said, but in that instant her claw caught the side of his scalp and he hit her as hard as he could in the ribs with both of his fists.You fuckface she shrieked. She let her leg fall yanked him aside by his penis, and reared back for a full reprimand of her claws to his head. Charlie tried to raise his forearm to take the blow, but then there was an explosion and a piece of her shoulder splattered on the wall, spi nning her around.Charlie felt her release his penis, and he threw himself across the alley. She rebounded off the wall with both claws aimed at his face. There was another explosion and she was knocked back again. This time she came up facing the street, and before she could brace to leap, two more shots hit her in the chest and she screeched, the sound like a thousand angry ravens set afire.Five more quick shots and she was danced backward by the impacts even as she went she was changing, her arms getting wider, her shoulders smoothing. Two more shots, and the next screech wasnt even remotely human, but that of a huge raven. She rose into the night sky trailing feathers and spattering a liquid that might have been blood, except that it was black.Charlie climbed to his feet and staggered out of the alley to where Inspector Alphonse Rivera was still in shooting stance, holding a 9 mm Beretta aimed at the dark sky.Do I even want to know what the fuck that was? Rivera said.Probably not , Charlie said. confiscate your coat around your waist, said the cop.Charlie looked down and saw that the front of his jeans had been shredded as if by razors.Thanks, Charlie said.You know, Rivera said, this could have all been avoided if youd just taken the happy ending like everybody else.